DISQUS

Barbara · 10 months ago

Great post, Mike! I just finished (literally just put the book down) reading William Lobdell's book that just came out last week. I loved it because his journey away from Christianity is so similar to mine. He put it so well. I still haven't been able to come out and say "I am an atheist" but I don't believe in the God of the Bible or of any god that claims to have power in this world. I guess I am an atheist. To be honest....the reason I don't like to say it is because it hurts people that I love and I hate doing that.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 10 months ago

Barbara, I had the same issue. My biggest obstacle was not wanting to hurt my Christian loved ones. I don't know if you ever read the letter I sent, but here it is: Letter

I added William Lobdell's book to my wish list.

stevez · 10 months ago

That was a very nice letter. I have to say, I am really lucky in that this wasn't needed in my case, as everyone I care about doesn't care one way or another, and though my faith had ended somewhere around high school, the journey to atheist took another ten years.

You're a very thoughtful guy.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 10 months ago

Thanks, stevez. I'm glad that you didn't have to put up with a lot of the crap that many have to.

DB · 10 months ago

A year! Wow! Congrats (I think lol). I hope it has been a good experience for you as many people face all kinds of hardship for being honest with loved ones regarding their atheism. I don't know the struggle of going from Christianity to atheism, but I am sure it is stressful and difficult. I envy your courage.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 10 months ago

Thanks!

I've had a few people who ignored the letter and act as if I never sent it. I've also had a few who grew distant. My family has been very supportive, then again, none of the ones I'm close to are fundies.

I've had friends open up about their belief or lack of belief, some rather surprising.

It's been a good experience.

Cyberkitten · 10 months ago

Congratulations. I guess its a bit like giving up smoking? Or is it craving free? [laughs]

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 10 months ago

Thanks!

It's totally craving free. I still read lots of theological sites and books, but that's more to try and understand it all, and to see what it's like from the outside.

It's been a year and not once have I thought there might be a God communicating with me in any way. If had felt otherwise it might have been tempting to go back in some fashion.

Cyberkitten · 10 months ago

I've been trying to understand it from the outside for a while now - though I haven't researched it *too* deeply. I honestly have no idea what it's all about [grin]

As to hearing God tempting you back - personally I'd seek medical attention *stat*. I think the technical term for hearing voices is Schizophrenia.....

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 10 months ago

"I'm schizophrenic and so am I" - Styx - Double Life

atimetorend · 9 months ago

I'm just a few months behind you. Likewise, I have never experienced life the same way as this past year, digging into issues and learning. Nice post.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

Awesome! Thanks for commenting!

I think the best part is never having to look at someone and think they are bound for hell, just because they don't believe what I believe.

Karla · 9 months ago

"I think the best part is never having to look at someone and think they are bound for hell, just because they don't believe what I believe."

It isn't about intellectual belief. It is about being in Him. We are safe in Him. Even the devil believes God is God and that Jesus is the Truth. It doesn't do him any good, because He is not in God.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

Ok, you encapsulated the "believe what I believe" part.

People that aren't "in Him" or "safe in Him" are going to hell, why because they haven't accepted him, which is what conservative evangelical theology teaches. So, if people don't believe what they believe and ask to be in Jesus, they are going to hell, right?

Karla · 9 months ago

I think it is difficult for you to see what I am saying because you don't accept it is even possible to have a relationship with Jesus. So no matter how I explain it, it all boils down for you to as a matter of "belief" and not what is in actuality. For we differ that there is an actual "being in relationship with Him."

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

No, I know people who seem to have perfectly fine relationships with Jesus, of course many of them believe vastly different things and have vastly different theologies, but they seem to have something real.

For me belief depends on experience, if I don't experience him how can I believe in him?

kinggame · 9 months ago

I'm glad you are happy, but I hope you someday make your way back to faith, in one aspect or another. The invite is always open.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

I may find my way back to some sort of faith some day. Thanks!

Karla · 9 months ago

I agree that experience is a huge part of it. Belief should always be rooted in something experiential and tangible. All throughout Scripture God showed himself in some form or fashion in a real experiential way. There is no reason to believe that if it's true that shouldn't continue today. You know I have given testimony of it happening today. But I'll continue to pray that you have your own experience, for mine can give you hope, but only your own can give you what you are looking for.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

Thanks, Karla, I do appreciate you sharing your experiences.

David · 9 months ago

Mike I am glad that you are doing okay. Thanks for stopping by the site the other day. Sorry if I came off wrong. Not my intentions.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

I didn't think you came off wrong at all. :-)

Carolina · 9 months ago

Congratulations on your one-year anniversary. It has been 52 years since I started to doubt and 45 years since I first had to courage to tell someone I was an atheist.

If you are interested, visit my blog on 3/13/09 for information on this year's "Blog Against Theocracy" event which will take place in April.
http://tirelesswing.blogspot.com in support of sontinued church/state separation.

garysmeade · 9 months ago

Hey Mike, thanks for the comments on my blog. Pigeon-holing is a common and easy thing to do, and from what you've said it appears that you've matured through this process of de-conversion. Remember how spiritual maturity was discussed in church? I would suggest that those things considered 'spiritual' are really psychological maturity, growth in wisdom. From your writing I detect compassion and humility, and am encouraged by this. If you've read anything I've written lately you would have seen quite a shift, I'm on the verge of admitting being an atheist. Like a previous commenter, it's difficult to swallow due to preconditioning. I have had no problem however labeling myself as a Freethinker on my Facebook profile.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

Thanks Gary, I do read your blog and have been for some time, and I'm glad you started posting there again.

Yes, I've matured through this process and it's much more than this last year, it was the years of doubt slowly opening my eyes to the fact that Christians hadn't cornered the market on being "good". Even "evil" atheists and members of other religions could be good. This led to some liberal views about Christianity, as I tried to reconcile, but what it ultimately came down to, and still does, is that I don't experience anything in my life that I would call God. Maybe someday I will again, who knows?

I totally agree that many of the things seen as benefits of Christianity are just mundane things that they have put a spiritual wrapper around. Praying during a decision process for one. I find zero difference now that I am an atheist when I think through a process. I still think through it or talk it out in my head. It's just that now it's not directed to God.

Thanks again for your thoughts.

Karla · 9 months ago

Mike, I was in Barnes and Nobel the other night and I picked up a Brian McClaren book called "Does This Make Sense." It's a little book about doubt and faith and touches on some of the questions atheists have. However, it was a very different approach that while I don't disagree with McClaren, my approach to the questions has been from a different direction than his. I thought you might enjoy his approach and find it rather refreshing. I know you had mentioned checking into some of the emerging church books, so I thought maybe you could check this one out. You could probably read it in an hour sitting in your local bookstore. If you do check it out, please do a book review of it on your blog or something from your perspective. That would be awesome!

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 9 months ago

Thanks, Karla. I'll check it out.

John · 8 months ago

Mike . . . Read the poem you posted at Dan Silverman's blog and really appreciated it. I dropped out of what I call Fundagelicalism many years ago but have recently become connected with a woman who just stepped out of a Quiverfull disaster. http://2spb.blogspot.com/2009/04/its-true-weve-... She asked me to give you this connection on her blog to check out. Actually her whole blog is getting a lot of attention. She and her friend, Laura, do it together and their stories are arresting, heartbreaking, uplifting and enlightening. I think you'll enjoy it.
As for my thoughts on your question of how I experience god. God is whatever I claim It is . . . for me. And whether I'm right, wrong or somewhere in between has nothing to do with anybody else. The poem below kind of wrote itself after an experience I had the details of which I'll not go into here. Was I experiencing god? Who the hell knows? But it was a very mind blowing experience never-the-less. The last part makes me kind of embarrassed now but I suppose being Love isn't all bad, eh? John
Cosmic Connection

And I was in a womb and
Looked without into
A blackness filled with stars
A multitude of stars that moved
And swirled and formed a
Sphere
And then dissolved and shot away again.

And from that star-filled void
A voice spoke out to me
And it said,
"Come to me, Be with me,
Go with me".

And I birthed out among
Those swirling stars
To find my body, mind
The All of me
Reduced to it's component parts.

And then became aware that
I infilled the galaxy
The universe
And every creature living
Anywhere.

And I cried out to everything
And everyone
And to myself
I AM, I AM, I AM
And flew away to
Everywhere and
Always
And to the love
I AM.

The fun thing about this, to me, is that when I showed this poem to
a lady I worked with she tried to tell me how I should write this poem
and what words I should have used and so on. It wasn't her experience but, by god, she knew, knew, I'm telling you, how I should be doing it. What a hoot some folks are, eh?
Regards
John

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 8 months ago

Thanks, John! I will check out the blog you linked to. You are right, people do try to project their beliefs on things others create sometimes.

JEB · 8 months ago

Hi Mike . . . hope you found time to visit Vyckie's blog. And since I just left a couple comments on your coverage of Dan Silverman's story and thought I'd tell you that I'll be posting from now on as JEB.
Too many John's around, eh? Although as I mentioned there, I've always said that everybody need a john now and then, LOL. And I might say here, while I'm running my keys, that I hate that we have to keep calling God HE. I don't think, if there is a god, that It's a HE any more then it's a SHE. Jumping jimminy but our minds are so damn small. J'ever notice that? Wish I new how to post a picture on my comments. That'd scare the hell out of a few people I'm thinking. FDLH (that's FallDownLaughingHysterically) And Mike, keep on trucking friend.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 8 months ago

Thanks, JEB. Yep, I've read several posts on Vyckie's blog. Good stuff so
far. That Quiverfull movement is just crazy.

Yeah, I always thought it odd that Christians see God as this huge profound
being, but they feel the need to push him/her/it into a tiny box.

Lee Sah · 8 months ago

Hi, Mike! I'm from Malaysia. I'd just like to tell you that God loves you whether you believe in Him or not. I sincerely hope that one day when you truly believe, you'll see the Glory of God. (John 11:40) God bless you!

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 8 months ago

Thank you, Lee Sah. I would certainly hope God would love me or he wouldn't be a very good God, would he?

Regardless of what John 11:40 says, one can not choose to believe something. If I could, I would still be a Christian. I never wanted to be an atheist.

boomSLANG · 8 months ago

"I'd just like to tell you that God loves you whether you believe in Him or not. I sincerely hope that one day when you truly believe...."[emphasis added]

Pardon me, but the term, "truly believe", is redundant, and ultimately nonsensical. Obviously, no sane person sets out to "falsely" believe a given proposition. You either "believe", or you don't. Person X can believe proposition Y, and change their mind. This, in no way, suggests that X didn't "truly believe" Y when they believed it.

Kevin · 5 months ago

We are all certain of many things, but I refuse to be certain about the invisible.

For me, this is the quote of the week. This describes my position exactly. Thank you for sharing your story.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 5 months ago

Thanks, Kevin.

coriw · 3 months ago

Thanks for visiting my blog and for contributing to forging positive and healthy links between atheists and Christians, without the 'bashing' as you say! It's great to follow your story. I'm sure I'll be visiting here more often.

Mike aka MonolithTMA · 3 months ago

Thanks, Cori! I need to write a new post!